Yet so many of us fall into the trap of people-pleasing. Whether it’s at work, at home, or in relationships, we often put other people’s needs ahead of our own. I’ve worked with many clients who tell me they feel guilty or selfish if they don’t constantly make others feel comfortable. Sound familiar?
Do You Always Put Others First?
If you find yourself saying "yes" when you really want to say "no," or if you're always the one picking up the extra slack, you might be stuck in people-pleasing mode. You might believe that being helpful earns love, approval, or safety. But over time, that constant giving takes a toll.
You end up drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. There’s little time left for rest, self-care, or simply doing what makes you feel good. While being kind and helpful is a good thing, always putting yourself last is not.
Let’s Reflect: Why Is Asking for Help So Hard?
Take a moment and think have you ever felt like a burden for needing help?
What made you feel that way?
Were you afraid of being judged or rejected?
Did it remind you of a past experience where asking for support didn’t go well?
Many of us were raised to believe that being strong means doing everything alone. Maybe you learned early on that helping others was praised, but needing help was frowned upon. That kind of thinking can stick with you, even into adulthood.
But here’s something powerful to remember: most people actually want to help. It makes them feel useful, connected, and appreciated. By not letting them help, you could be unintentionally sending the message that they’re not needed.
Pay Attention to the Relationships Around You
If you’re scared to ask for help because you worry about how someone will react, it’s worth taking a closer look at that relationship.
Do you often feel judged, shamed, or dismissed when you speak up? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, not sure how someone will respond? These are signs of an unhealthy dynamic.
Healthy relationships whether with friends, family, or coworkers are built on mutual support and respect. A person with a healthy mindset may not always be able to help, but they’ll respond with kindness and honesty.
Shift Your Perspective
We’re often our own worst critics. We expect ourselves to be everything for everyone. But that’s not fair and it’s not sustainable.
The truth is: you’re only responsible for your own emotions. You can’t control how other people feel, and it’s not your job to try.
Next time you catch yourself feeling guilty for asking for help, pause and ask: “What would I say to someone I love if they felt like this?”
You probably wouldn’t judge them you’d show compassion. So why not offer yourself the same kindness?
Here’s the Bottom Line:
- You can’t make everyone happy. And that’s not your job.
- It’s okay to ask for help. You’re human.
- If people respond negatively, it says more about them than it does about you.
- Start treating yourself with the care and respect you give to others.
Let go of the pressure to please. Start choosing you.