A couple of weeks ago, I was flying with my 5-year-old daughter. She was calm and patient as we waited to board. Behind us, another mom was traveling solo with her child. You could see how worn out she looked, just by her eyes. As we stood in the jetway, she handed her daughter a phone to watch PBS Kids. Then she looked at me and said, “I usually don’t let her use electronics. This is just a one-time thing.”
I smiled, but inside, my heart ached. She didn’t need to explain herself. Yet, like so many of us, she felt the pressure to justify her parenting choices to a total stranger.
I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same eyes on me, the unspoken judgment, and the self-doubt it creates. A few years back, I was flying alone with my 3-year-old. She was tired, cranky, and wanted nothing more than to escape her seat. I tried snacks, toys, even Bluey on my phone nothing worked. A dad across the aisle gave me the look, followed by a dramatic sigh and a mutter about “screen time these days.”
I’m not just a mom, I’m a developmental psychology researcher. I study parenting behavior and child development. But in that moment, all my knowledge disappeared. I felt embarrassed, overwhelmed, and questioned everything: Am I doing this right?
Why Parenting Feels So Hard (and Judged)
If you’ve ever felt judged while parenting at the grocery store, on a plane, or even by your own relatives you’re not alone. One of the hardest parts of raising kids today is doing it in a world where everyone seems to have an opinion.
The toddler years, in particular, are full of challenges: meltdowns, tantrums, messy snacks, and strong opinions from tiny humans. Unfortunately, they’re also the years when parents feel the most judged. Research shows that parents of young kids report a high level of public scrutiny often because toddler behavior is loud, visible, and unpredictable.
And the judgment doesn’t stop there.
Every Stage of Parenting Comes with New Opinions
- During Pregnancy: Social media, influencers, and even strangers weigh in on everything from what you eat to how you sleep.
- In Infancy: Breastfeeding vs. formula. Co-sleeping vs. crib. It’s like a never-ending debate club.
- Preschool to Elementary Age: Now it’s screen time, food choices, and educational toys. Some parents say yes to tablets, others say never. Cue the side-eyes.
- Teen Years: Are you too strict or too laid-back? Are you a helicopter parent or too “hands-off”? Society loves labels, but real parenting isn’t that simple.
Why Do We Judge Other Parents?
People often judge because it makes them feel better about their own choices. It’s normal to compare ourselves to others. But in the world of parenting, those comparisons often lead to insecurity and anxiety instead of support.
In my work, I’ve seen how fear of judgment drives parents into isolation. The very people who could be our village other moms, dads, caregivers—can sometimes feel like critics. That’s not how it should be.
How to Stay Confident in a Judgmental World
Here’s how we can rise above the noise and support each other instead:
1. Practice Self-Compassion
You’re doing your best. Not everything will go smoothly, and that’s completely fine. Be as gentle with yourself as you are with your kids.
2. Find Your People
Look for parenting communities whether online or in real life that offer empathy, not opinions. Having a few caring friends can really help.
3. Remember Context Matters
What you see in public is just a moment in time. You can’t always tell what someone else is dealing with. The same is true for you one tough moment doesn’t make you a bad parent.
4. Stay Curious, Not Critical
Instead of judging another parent, ask yourself: What might be going on behind the scenes? Curiosity leads to compassion. Judgment builds walls.
Parenting Is Hard, Let’s Make It Easier on Each Other
Raising kids in today’s world is already a challenge. Whether it’s dealing with public tantrums, school pressures, or teen independence, we all share the same goal: raising happy, healthy kids.
What we don’t need is more shame. What we do need is more understanding, more encouragement, and more of those knowing smiles that say, “I get it. I’ve been there.”
When I think back to that mom on the plane, I wish I’d said something to make her feel supported. A kind word, a quick nod, even just a warm smile it doesn’t take much to show another parent they’re not alone.
So next time you see a struggling parent or you are that struggling parent choose kindness. Parenting doesn’t come with a perfect script. But together, we can rewrite the culture around it with empathy, support, and maybe a few extra snacks in our carry-on.