Strong communication is key to building and keeping healthy relationships. But not everyone we talk to communicates in a healthy way. Some people have patterns that are toxic and if you're not careful, they can leave you feeling drained, unheard, and even doubting yourself. Here are three major signs that you're talking to a toxic communicator.
1. They Don’t Really Listen, They Just Wait to Talk
Ever talk to someone who cuts you off the moment you start speaking? Instead of listening, they jump in with their own thoughts and totally ignore yours. That’s a red flag.
Healthy communication includes active listening pausing to hear and understand what the other person is saying before responding. But toxic communicators often shut you down and push their opinions right over yours. It’s like they’re saying, “What you think doesn’t matter only I’m right.”
This kind of behavior can make you feel invisible and frustrated. You might keep repeating yourself, hoping they'll finally hear you but it’s like talking to a wall. And worse, they may accuse you of being difficult or emotional when all you're trying to do is express yourself.
Real listening doesn’t always mean agreeing. But a good communicator will reflect back what you said, like:
“That’s an interesting point. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I still feel differently, but I hear where you’re coming from.”
That’s respect. And if someone can’t offer you that, it might be time to step back.
2. They Always Bring the Conversation Back to Themselves
Another red flag is parallel communication when someone turns every conversation into a story about them.
You open up about something personal, like a sweet moment with your child, and instead of engaging or asking more, they immediately reply with their own story completely skipping over what you just shared. It’s like a competition instead of a conversation.
Over time, this feels shallow and one-sided. You want real connection. I want you to know that what you think and feel is important But with a parallel communicator, the exchange always stays surface-level.
If someone can't dive deeper or show genuine curiosity about your life, they might not be capable of emotional intimacy. These people might be okay for light-hearted banter or small talk—but they’re not who you go to when you need meaningful support.
3. They Attack Instead of Disagreeing Respectfully
Disagreements are normal but how someone disagrees says a lot about their communication style.
Let’s say you tell your dad you're going back to school to change your career. Instead of asking questions or expressing concern in a caring way, he lashes out:
“That’s selfish. How can you afford that? This isn't how I taught you to behave.
This kind of reaction isn’t just harsh it’s emotionally abusive. Instead of discussing the situation, they go straight for your character. That’s not disagreement. That’s an attack.
Healthy communicators might still disagree, but they’ll do it respectfully:
“I’m surprised to hear that. Can you help me understand why you chose to do that? What about the kids, how will that work?”
Toxic communicators, on the other hand, make you feel guilty for having your own ideas. If someone regularly shames or belittles you for your choices, they may not be a safe person to share your life with. In that case, it’s okay to protect your peace by keeping certain topics to yourself and sharing only with people who truly support you.
Final Thoughts
Toxic communication doesn’t always show up as yelling or obvious conflict. Sometimes, it’s hidden in the small ways someone ignores, dismisses, or talks over you. Pay attention to these warning signs:
- They don’t actively listen they dominate the conversation.
- They turn every exchange into something about them.
- They can't disagree without attacking your character.
When you spot these patterns, protect your emotional space. You deserve conversations that leave you feeling seen, heard, and respected.