Every parent has faced those tough moments tantrums, defiance, or just flat-out refusal to listen. Whether it's a toddler throwing a fit, a rebellious teenager, or even an adult child pushing boundaries, it can feel overwhelming.
But what if handling difficult behavior didn’t have to be so frustrating?
After years of working with families, I’ve found that three simple words can transform how you respond to challenging behavior: Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling.
1. Stay Calm
When emotions run high, staying calm is the first step to diffusing the situation. It’s natural to want to yell or react in frustration, but that only fuels the fire. Instead, taking a deep breath and maintaining a steady tone helps set the stage for a productive conversation.
Example: Your child refuses to clean their room for the fifth time this week. Instead of shouting, take a deep breath and say, "I understand you're upset, but we agreed you’d clean your room today. Let’s do it together, or I can give you a few minutes to settle down before we start."
Pro Tip: Try deep breathing, counting to ten, or stepping away for a moment before responding. This not only helps you stay in control but also teaches your child how to manage emotions effectively.
2. Be Firm
Being firm doesn’t mean being harsh. It means setting clear, consistent boundaries without threats or yelling. Children thrive on structure, and when they know the rules won’t change, they’re more likely to respect them.
Example: Your 7-year-old throws a tantrum in the store because they want a toy. Instead of giving in or ignoring them, calmly but firmly say, "I know you really want that toy, but we’re not buying it today. We can talk about it when we get home."
Pro Tip: Stick to your decisions! If you’re firm one day and flexible the next, your child will get mixed signals and push boundaries even more.
3. Avoid Being Controlling
This is the trickiest part. While setting limits is essential, giving children a sense of control within those limits reduces power struggles. Instead of dictating, offer choices that allow them to feel empowered.
Example: Your teenager won’t do their homework. Instead of demanding, "Do your homework now!" try, "I know you don’t feel like doing homework, but getting it done will help you relax later. Would you rather start with math or science?"
Pro Tip: Giving kids options within boundaries encourages responsibility and cooperation. They feel like they have a say, which reduces resistance.
The Bottom Line
The Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach works for kids of all ages even adult children. By keeping your emotions in check, setting clear rules, and allowing choices, you’ll create a more peaceful home with fewer power struggles.
With patience and consistency, you can see real changes in your child’s behavior in as little as 10 days sometimes even sooner!
Remember, parenting isn’t about perfection it’s about progress. Stay consistent, trust the process, and watch your relationship with your child improve.