You’ve Been Enough All Along
A strong relationship with yourself is the key to a fulfilling life. But truly believing in your worth deep down isn’t always easy. As kids, we didn’t question whether we were enough. We simply existed, embraced life, and felt whole. But as we grew, we started wondering: Am I really worthy?
The Endless Chase for External Validation
Society teaches us that worth is something we must earn. We’re pressured to succeed in our careers, relationships, and personal growth always striving to be more, do more, and prove ourselves. We tie our value to job titles, financial status, social circles, and external approval. Yet, no matter how much we achieve, it often feels like something is still missing.
Social media makes this even harder. We compare our messy, imperfect lives to the highlight reels of others. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that if we just had 'one more' achievement, 'one more' validation, or 'one more' milestone, we’d finally feel whole.
For years, I chased this illusion of worthiness. I poured myself into achieving earning multiple degrees, hitting ambitious goals yet I still felt empty. It wasn’t until I realized that my worth was never something I had to prove that everything changed. I no longer needed to seek approval from those who once made me feel less than. Instead, I reclaimed my power and started living on my own terms.
Conditional vs. Genuine Self-Worth
When we rely on external validation to feel worthy, our confidence becomes fragile. We let other people’s opinions determine our value yet those opinions are inconsistent and often unkind.
Dr. Gabor Maté describes two types of self-esteem: contingent self-esteem (based on outside validation) and genuine self-esteem (an inner sense of worth that remains steady no matter what). The first is unstable and fleeting, while the second is unshakable. True self-worth isn’t something you have to search for it’s already within you.
How to Reclaim Your Self-Worth
Your self-worth affects how you think, feel, and navigate life. Instead of chasing external validation, focus on reconnecting with your inherent value. Here are a few ways to start:
1. Identify What Defines Your Worth
Take a moment to reflect: What have you been using to measure your worth? Is it career success, appearance, or other people’s approval? Notice when you seek external validation and ask yourself why it matters to you. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to external achievements don’t give them more power than they deserve.
2. Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue
Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Are your thoughts filled with self-doubt and criticism? When negative beliefs arise like I’m not good enough or I don’t belong pause and challenge them. Where did this belief come from? Is it fact or just a feeling? Instead of accepting these thoughts as truth, replace them with kinder, more supportive affirmations: I am enough just as I am. I am always growing.
3. Know Who You Are (and Who You’re Not)
Self-awareness allows you to show up authentically. Reflect on the labels you’ve placed on yourself or those given to you by others. Do they truly represent you? Let go of the ones that no longer serve you, and embrace the parts of yourself that feel true.
4. Prioritize Your Well-Being
Many people struggle with self-care because they don’t feel worthy of it. But when you love something, you take care of it. You don’t have to earn the right to rest, nourish your body, or set boundaries you already deserve it. Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you’d offer someone you love.
5. Embrace Dual Truths
You can keep growing and still matter. You can make mistakes and still be loved. You don’t have to be perfect to be enough. Growth and self-acceptance can coexist.
Final Thoughts
We’re all doing the best we can with what we know in each moment. Your worth has never been something to chase, it has always been within you. You are valuable just as you are.
So, if you need a reminder: You are enough right now, and you will be enough in the next moment too. You always have been.