Make Yourself a Priority
Studies reveal that prioritizing self-care isn’t selfish, it can actually strengthen relationships.
In a world that glorifies hustle culture, where we’re encouraged to push harder, work longer, and keep going despite exhaustion, it’s easy to neglect the most important relationship the one with ourselves. We often discuss toxic workplaces and unhealthy relationships, but we rarely acknowledge the damaging ways we treat ourselves.
And here’s the reality: The way we treat ourselves directly affects how we interact with others. When we’re drained or overly critical of ourselves, we unintentionally project that negativity onto those around us.
Many of us struggle with self-doubt, the feeling of not being “good enough,” and the constant pressure to do more. Researching for my latest book, 'Sovereign', I came across a striking statistic: 80% of millennials feel they are falling short in nearly every area of life. This relentless self-criticism, combined with a lack of self-care, can be incredibly harmful. But the good news? It doesn’t have to be this way. We can break this cycle and start treating ourselves with the kindness and care we deserve.
At the core of this transformation is self-compassion an approach that significantly impacts our overall well-being. True empowerment comes from reclaiming our right to nurture, appreciate, and celebrate who we are. It’s about recognizing our worth, unique talents, and the light we bring into the world. Amid the buzz of Valentine’s Day and its focus on romantic relationships, take a moment to reflect on the most crucial relationship of all the one with yourself.
The Science of Self-Compassion
Research consistently shows that self-compassion is linked to higher levels of happiness, creativity, and overall well-being. Studies suggest that when we treat ourselves with kindness rather than harsh criticism, we become more resilient, less stressed, and more satisfied with life.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert in self-compassion, has found that individuals who practice self-compassion are more motivated and less prone to experiencing negative emotions such as shame and fear of failure.
But the benefits don’t stop there. Self-compassion also enhances our relationships. When we show ourselves understanding and kindness, we naturally extend that same empathy to those we love. Neff’s research highlights that people who practice self-compassion engage in more supportive and nurturing behaviors, leading to stronger connections with others.
This is particularly important in today’s world, where many of us juggle multiple responsibilities and often feel stretched thin. When we are hard on ourselves, we tend to be hard on others as well. Stress and exhaustion can make us irritable, causing us to take out our frustrations on loved ones. However, when we prioritize self-care and self-compassion, we create the emotional capacity to give more to those around us.
Why It Matters
The one relationship that will last a lifetime is the one with yourself. And it has the potential to be the most fulfilling and empowering connection you will ever have.
Studies indicate that self-compassion improves mental health and emotional stability. It acts as a protective factor against anxiety and depression while also strengthening the immune system. In other words, being kind to yourself isn’t just a feel-good concept it has real, measurable effects on your overall health and well-being.
If you think self-compassion is self-indulgent or unimportant, consider this: How you treat yourself sets an example for those around you, especially children. Kids observe and internalize how adults navigate self-worth and self-criticism. If we constantly judge ourselves harshly, they learn to do the same. And as research shows, negative self-talk and self-criticism can have long-term effects on a child’s emotional development. Instead, we have the opportunity to model patience, kindness, and self-acceptance values that will serve them for a lifetime.
The Dangers of Self-Criticism
Self-criticism isn’t just an uncomfortable feeling it has serious consequences for mental and emotional well-being. Studies show that excessive self-criticism is linked to lower resilience, higher levels of anxiety and depression, and deep-seated insecurities.
Dr. Kelly Werner’s 2020 study found that individuals who engage in harsh self-criticism tend to struggle more with emotional recovery after stressful events. This is because self-criticism creates a cycle of negative thinking, making it harder to bounce back from challenges.
Similarly, research by Dr. Zila A. Z. Brown (2017) shows that people who are excessively self-critical are more likely to experience depression and anxiety. Their internal dialogue amplifies feelings of guilt and shame, both of which significantly impact emotional well-being. In response to these overwhelming emotions, many turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or substance use.
On the other hand, self-compassion serves as a powerful buffer against stress. When we embrace self-kindness, we develop greater resilience, making it easier to handle setbacks and navigate difficulties without falling into negativity.
Honoring Yourself to Honor Others
When we prioritize self-compassion, we don’t just heal ourselves we create a positive, nurturing presence for those around us. The logic is simple: When we treat ourselves with kindness, we are naturally more compassionate toward others.
A life where you honor your needs, value your worth, and embrace your uniqueness is a life where you will also deeply appreciate others. This kind of fulfillment doesn’t come from constantly giving until you’re exhausted. Instead, it comes from cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself one that allows you to give from a place of wholeness and abundance.
It’s easy to think of self-compassion as self-indulgence, but the truth is, it’s an act of strength, not weakness. By taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to support and uplift others. And this is where true happiness lies—not in endless sacrifice, but in fostering a sense of self-worth that empowers you to give wholeheartedly.
This Valentine’s Day, take a moment to reflect inward. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate your journey, your growth, and your unique essence. Recognize that you are a gift to this world, and by honoring yourself, you increase your ability to honor those around you.