Our pursuit of happiness is often misdirected.
A common misconception is that positive psychology ignores human struggles and focuses only on life’s bright side. However, as Mangelsdorf clarifies, the field of positive psychology is much more balanced than people assume.
"In positive psychology, the term 'positive' means focusing on what helps people, groups, or communities grow and improve, no matter where they start."
Here, Mangelsdorf shares some of her top research-backed insights from positive psychology that can help cultivate a happier life.
1. Growth After Difficult Experiences
The idea of post-traumatic growth suggests that personal development often follows hardship. But does suffering always have to be the catalyst for growth? Research indicates that deeply positive experiences can foster just as much personal development as difficult ones—provided we find meaning in them. There is even a phenomenon called post-joy growth. However, people tend to overlook positive experiences as opportunities for self-improvement, both on an individual and societal level.
Key Takeaway:
Think about the most meaningful moments in your life. What lessons did they teach you? How can you apply these insights to improve your well-being and that of others? This perspective is empowering because it highlights that all of life both challenges and achievements can contribute to our personal growth.
2. Resilience (Part 1)
We often think of resilience as a fixed set of qualities or skills that people need to recover from hardships. While some factors, such as strong relationships, are indeed helpful, resilience is not a one-size-fits-all concept. A recent study by Bonanno (2024) suggests that resilience is highly individualized. In fact, much of what makes a person resilient remains a mystery to researchers. Instead, resilience can be viewed as a unique combination of personal and external factors that vary from person to person.
Key Takeaway:
Reflect on a time when you overcame a tough situation. Despite the difficulties, you managed to cope. What helped you push through?
If you ask ten different people the same question, you may get ten different answers. The key is to understand what works best for you and build confidence in your ability to recover from setbacks.
3. Resilience (Part 2)
According to resilience expert Michael Ungar, resilience isn’t just about inner strength, it’s also about having access to the right support systems. Instead of being solely about personal grit, resilience is largely influenced by external resources. Think about Cinderella’s story. While we often attribute her success to her perseverance and kindness, Ungar reminds us of another crucial factor: the role of external support, such as her fairy godmother.
Key Takeaway:
Don’t underestimate the importance of outside help in unlocking your inner strength. If you feel like you’re struggling, don’t blame yourself. It could be a matter of missing resources or perhaps you have support available but aren’t tapping into it.
When facing difficulties, ask yourself:
- What resources do I need to handle this situation better?
- If I have these resources, how can I incorporate them into my life?
- If I lack them, who can I ask for help?
We all have different strengths. As organizational psychologist Adam Grant suggests, if people could leverage each other’s strengths to achieve their goals, life would be profoundly different. When individuals come together to support each other, it creates strong connections and real assistance that’s true resilience.
4. Practicing Self-Compassion
Psychologist Paul Gilbert, the creator of Compassion-Focused Therapy, identified three emotional regulation systems:
- Threat Protection System: Detects and responds to danger (linked to emotions like fear, anxiety, and anger).
- Drive System: Focuses on achievement and reward (associated with excitement and motivation).
- Soothing System: Promotes calmness and security (related to feelings of relaxation and contentment).
Depending on our biology and life experiences, people tend to default to different emotional states. At times, we may feel stuck in one of these modes.
Key Takeaway:
When experiencing emotional distress, it helps to consciously check in with our minds and bodies. The first step to change is understanding where we currently are.
Paul Gilbert suggests three strategies for shifting emotional states:
1. Identify your current emotional state.
2. Acknowledge it without judgment.
3. Gently guide yourself toward a more balanced state.
While we often try to escape difficult emotions quickly, simply treating ourselves with kindness can make it easier to move through challenging moments.
5. Taking Care of Your Body
We tend to seek psychological solutions for emotional distress. However, when people ask me, “How can I be happier?” my first response is: Look at your sleep, diet, and physical activity. Before diving into complex psychological discussions, start by improving your basic health habits. If you still feel down afterward, then we can explore psychological factors.
Key Takeaway:
If you want to feel better, start with your body. Many modern problems stem from excessive screen time and a lack of natural activities that our brains and bodies were designed for. Research consistently highlights the connection between physical and mental well-being. In fact, one of the most surprising findings in psychology is that exercise can be as effective as medication in treating depression. Simple changes in daily habits better sleep, healthier eating, and regular exercise can have a profound impact on mental health.
What Defines a Good Life?
A good life is one where, if I were to leave this world tomorrow, I would feel at peace with how I lived.
A good life is one that contributes to the well-being of others.
A good life is balanced it allows room for both happiness and hardship. It involves recognizing the challenges while also appreciating the joys, embracing life’s full spectrum without judgment.