Narcissism is marked by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a strong sense of entitlement. While narcissists may appear charming and charismatic in the short term, they often struggle in long-term relationships. One key reason is their intense need for admiration from others. This constant craving for validation makes relationship conflicts particularly damaging to their self-esteem, often leading to outbursts of anger. Studies conducted in controlled environments have shown that narcissists are more likely to become angry when socially rejected and may even react aggressively. Similarly, they tend to exhibit heightened aggression during disputes with their partners and show more anger toward former partners.
In a study I conducted with Lillian Carney, recently published in *Personality and Individual Differences*, we examined how narcissists react when they feel hurt or let down by their significant others. Do they become particularly angry and begin to view their partners more negatively?
To answer this question, we conducted a study involving 241 participants currently in romantic relationships. Participants were asked to either recall a time when their partner hurt or disappointed them (relationship threat scenario) or write about their daily activities (control group). Following this task, participants rated their levels of anger, sadness, and anxiety and evaluated their partners on various positive attributes (e.g., kindness, attractiveness). Additionally, participants completed questionnaires measuring their levels of narcissism.
As expected, participants who reflected on a relationship threat reported more anger, sadness, and anxiety compared to those who wrote about daily activities. However, the impact of recalling a relationship threat was significantly stronger for individuals with higher levels of narcissism. In other words, highly narcissistic individuals were especially prone to anger when thinking about times their partner had hurt them.
Interestingly, recalling a relationship threat did not affect participants’ overall evaluations of their partners on positive traits. Still, we wanted to explore whether narcissists view their partners more negatively within the specific context of the hurtful event they described. Previous research suggests narcissists are less forgiving, so we hypothesized that the anger they felt might be directed at their partners.
To test this, we analyzed participants’ written descriptions of their partners’ hurtful behavior. For each participant, we assessed the degree to which their descriptions expressed blame, resentment, and negativity toward their partner. As expected, individuals with higher levels of narcissism were more likely to describe their partners negatively when reflecting on the hurtful event. However, they did not necessarily express greater resentment or blame toward their partner.
This research highlights one reason why narcissists often struggle in long-term relationships and why their partners may feel less satisfied. When conflicts arise, narcissists tend to direct their anger at their partners and, as this study shows, hold onto those negative feelings over time. This pattern can create ongoing tension and dissatisfaction, making it challenging for narcissists to maintain healthy, enduring relationships.