You've likely heard the old saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all." While this is often true, there are indeed situations where certain thoughts or feelings are better left unsaid to avoid unnecessary conflict or pain. However, in a romantic relationship, holding back certain difficult thoughts can do more harm than good. In fact, some things may be hard to say, but they should always be shared openly.
Here are three of them, and why they need to be shared rather than kept inside.
1. If You’re Upset With Them
It’s often easy to brush things off when you’re upset with your partner, especially if it feels minor. You may worry about causing an argument over something small or think it’s just not worth mentioning. So, you might give the silent treatment, withdraw, or avoid the discussion entirely. But as most of us know, unresolved frustrations rarely just go away; they only build up over time.
A recent study reveals why people often avoid discussing their complaints. According to research, people often keep quiet for several reasons, including:
- Minimizing connection with uncomfortable emotions
- Expressing dissatisfaction indirectly without confronting it
- Punishing their partner by withholding communication
- Hoping their partner will figure out the problem on their own
- Avoiding the risk of making their partner feel bad
While these reasons might seem valid in the moment, they ultimately prioritize personal comfort over the health of the relationship. Using silence to handle issues may avoid conflict temporarily, but it rarely leads to resolution. In fact, when you withdraw emotionally, it only creates confusion and anxiety for your partner, who may not even realize what they did to upset you.
Think about how it feels when you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment. You’re left feeling confused, unsure of what went wrong or why your partner seems distant. Without open communication, even small issues can feel much bigger than they are. Instead, it’s far better to bring up your concerns, even if they seem minor.
This approach opens the door to a productive conversation where both of you can address the issue together rather than letting it fester silently. By speaking up, you validate both your partner and the relationship itself and, even better, give them a chance to understand and respond to your feelings.
2. If You’re Needing Reassurance
Everyone has times when they need a bit more love and comfort. Whether it’s needing to hear that you’re still loved, valued, or desired, seeking validation is a natural part of any relationship. However, many people hold back out of fear of seeming needy or insecure. Asking questions such as "Do you still care about me?” or “Am I still attractive to you?” can feel awkward and vulnerable yet this need for reassurance is far from shameful.
Seeking reassurance is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it can actually be a healthy and meaningful part of relationship support. A recent study from Japanese Psychological Research found that seeking reassurance plays a key role in maintaining both partners' emotional connection and relationship satisfaction. For both long-term and short-term relationships, behaviors that seek reassurance were linked to greater relationship satisfaction and supportive behaviors.
In simpler terms, expressing your need for reassurance can strengthen your bond and bring you closer. When you ask for validation, you’re allowing your partner to connect with your emotions and show their care in a concrete way. This can result in more frequent acts of love, affection, and support which, in turn, benefit both partners and the relationship itself.
On the other hand, bottling up your vulnerabilities can leave you feeling isolated and resentful. If your partner doesn’t know you’re struggling with insecurities, they won’t have the opportunity to reassure you. Over time, these unspoken feelings can grow, and you may end up feeling more disconnected. Instead of letting those negative thoughts spiral, it’s worth being open about your feelings no matter how vulnerable it may feel.
3. If You’re Questioning the Relationship
Doubts about a relationship can be unsettling, and it’s normal to feel hesitant about voicing them. Maybe you’re worried that your partner is losing interest, or perhaps you’ve started wondering if you have long term compatibility. No matter the reason, it's simple to ignore these feelings, convincing yourself they're just temporary or worse, keeping them inside until it feels too late to deal with them.
This tendency to avoid tough conversations is common. A study in 'Human Communication Research' showed that couples who kept their relationship doubts to themselves were much more likely to break up. The researchers found they could predict these uncertainty driven breakups with 90% accuracy over three months. Meanwhile, partners who openly talked about their concerns and even sought advice from friends and family were more likely to work through their doubts and stay together.
The takeaway here is clear: You don’t need to keep your relationship doubts hidden. By sharing your concerns, you create an opportunity to address them as a team. If you’re worried that your partner is losing interest or that your relationship is in jeopardy, it’s better to discuss these feelings than to let them erode your peace of mind.
While it can be intimidating to admit these doubts out loud, there’s a good chance that your partner feels something similar or can offer reassurance you hadn’t considered. Even if the conversation is challenging, it gives you both the chance to explore whether these doubts are temporary or point to deeper issues that need attention.