The humorous narcissist can be entertaining, sharp, and quick witted. They often attract others with their sarcastic and bold remarks. However, their humor usually reveals some distinct traits that may suggest a self-centered attitude, potentially harmful if you find yourself as the target. In contrast, genuinely friendly humor tends to be lighthearted and harmless. Recognizing the differences can help you spot when a friend or loved one might be using humor in a manipulative or self-serving way.
First, a humorous narcissist is typically someone who “can dish it out but can’t take it.” They’re quick to tease and make jokes at others’ expense, yet when someone turns the joke on them, they often become defensive or withdrawn. On the other hand, a person with strong emotional intelligence enjoys playful banter and doesn’t mind laughing at themselves. They see humor as a way to connect, not to belittle others.
Second, a narcissist person’s humor often involves mocking others, especially when they’re not around. While everyone occasionally needs to blow off steam or joke about people who might be mildly annoying, a narcissist’s humor is largely rooted in putting others down. In contrast, someone with a balanced sense of humor will blend light-hearted jokes, self-deprecating humor, and the ability to find amusement in the small things in daily life, without targeting individuals.
Third, those with a narcissist streak may struggle to distinguish playful teasing from hurtful behavior. They may cross the line without realizing it, turning jokes into unkind remarks. Often, the person they’ve affected is caught off guard by the sudden shift to cruelty, while the narcissist remains oblivious, dismissing their comments as “just a joke.”
Fourth, individuals with a strong narcissistic streak tend to enjoy calling people out in public. They frequently make others the subject of their jokes, particularly in front of a crowd, and the larger the audience, the better. Due to their deep-seated insecurities, they feel more confident when they can control the social setting. Typically, they use others as a means to draw attention to themselves and assert their dominance.
Fifth, a narcissist often laughs at people rather than laughing with them. Picture a group of friends Jake, Lucy, and Veronica hurrying to avoid the rain. Jake trips over a crack in the sidewalk, stumbling forward and hitting his head on a street pole. Lucy immediately bursts into laughter, doubled over with amusement. Meanwhile, Veronica is concerned for Jake’s well being, rushing to his side to make sure he’s okay. As Jake gets to his feet, he starts chuckling, and Veronica joins in his laughter, though she keeps an eye on him to ensure he’s unhurt. In this scenario, Lucy laughs at Jake rather than with him, while Veronica laughs along with him, showing empathy.
Having a sense of humor is a valuable way to connect with others and handle life’s everyday challenges. However, if someone in your life consistently displays these five traits, they may have a self-centered sense of humor. It’s important to be mindful around this person, as they may use others as the butt of their jokes for their own amusement. If you don’t play along, they might even turn against you. In contrast, a genuinely caring person with a good sense of humor doesn’t exploit others for laughs.