In relationships, one of the most important ways to strengthen trust, commitment, and closeness is by providing meaningful support to your partner. However, "support" can be subjective and tricky to navigate.
What feels supportive to one person may feel overwhelming or unnecessary to another. To truly support your partner in ways that matter to them, engaging in open, honest conversations about their needs is essential. Asking the right questions can offer insight into how to show up for them.
Here are two questions to ask your partner to provide the support they need, according to research.
1. How Can I Support You During Tough Times?
Life inevitably brings challenges, and having a supportive partner by your side during difficult moments can make all the difference. However, support looks different for everyone. Some people need a listening ear, while others prefer practical help or space to manage their emotions on their own.
This question invites your partner to share their preferences and helps you avoid making assumptions about what they need. For example, your partner might express that during stressful times, they prefer emotional reassurance over problem-solving.
A study published last month in the 'European Journal of Personality' found that more than how you think you've supported them, how a partner perceives your support is more likely to impact relationship quality for both of you.
Researchers found that when partners feel appreciated, valued, or supported in solving their problems through meaningful actions, it positively impacts relationship quality. However, trying to suppress or dismiss your partner's emotions has a clear negative effect.
"He listens, acknowledges my feelings, and doesn’t overreact. He lets me decide what I need. It might be rest, a little TV, snacks, or alone time," one Reddit user explains.
"A podcast I follow suggests not to "SAC" your relationship by offering "Suggestions, Advice, or Criticism." When your partner is venting, just listen and let them express their feelings. You can ask if they’d like advice, but don’t offer it unnecessarily. Chances are they know how to fix the situation; they just need to talk about it," another Reddit user writes.
Furthermore, a 2019 study published in the 'Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin' suggests that when partners are seen as caring and responsive, it can enhance closeness and intimacy in relationships. This forms a solid foundation for facing challenges together.
It's also crucial to regularly revisit this question, as their needs can change over time. Different challenges may require different types of support, and checking in ensures that your approach stays in tune with their current situation.
Some variations of this question include:
- What can I do to help you when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed?
- Are there specific actions I can take to make your daily life easier?
- When you’re going through a hard time, what kind of comfort or support do you prefer?
- Is there a particular way you’d like me to communicate with you when challenges arise?
2. How Can I Support You in Reaching Your Goals and Dreams?
Helping your partner means encouraging them to achieve their goals and follow their dreams. This question helps you learn more about their ambitions and how you can support them along the way.
Whether they want to grow in their career, learn a new skill, explore a creative interest, or improve personally, this question gives them a chance to share their vision with you.
A 2017 study published in the 'European Journal of Social Psychology' found that when you support your partner’s goals through encouragement, responsiveness, or offering practical help, they are more likely to feel confident, committed to their goals, and make progress in their pursuits.
For instance, your partner might need help staying accountable to their goals. They might appreciate a gentle reminder to stick to their plans or tangible support, such as assistance with time management, networking, or taking on specific responsibilities at home to free up time for their passions.
"I just went and filled up my wife’s car so she has a full tank going into the new week. I think handling the small things in life is helpful. Since I work from home and she works in a hospital, I try to make sure everything is in order at home so she doesn’t have to worry," one person writes, highlighting how he supports his wife.
Celebrating your partner’s progress along the way is also crucial. A 2021 study published in 'Frontiers in Psychology' suggests that when a person positively responds to their partner’s personal achievements, accomplishments, and good news showing genuine interest, enthusiasm, and a willingness to share in their joy it enhances relationship quality.
Additionally, a 2022 study published in the 'Journal of Personality and Social Relationships' found that working toward goals together is associated with higher relationship satisfaction. When you actively support your partner’s goals, you also strengthen the emotional bond you share.
When both partners feel supported in their goals, they are more likely to succeed together. Remember, these conversations should be ongoing. By staying open to each other and continuously engaging in these discussions, you can continue offering support in ways that help your relationship thrive long term.