When couples become parents, life changes drastically. The demands of raising children often leave little room for nurturing the romantic connection that brought them together. Sleep deprivation, endless tasks, and conflicting schedules can quickly shift the focus from each other to the kids.
The division of responsibilities, time pressures, and constant juggling between parenting and other obligations put strain on the relationship. However, couples can still keep their love strong by making intentional efforts. Here are three ways parents can stay connected and keep their relationship alive, even during the busy times of parenting.
1. Prioritizing "Together Time" Over "Alone Time"
Cara and Julio, married for years with two young children, found themselves drifting apart after the birth of their second child. Cara was constantly exhausted from managing the house and kids, while Julio’s long work hours made it difficult to connect. They realized they hardly had meaningful conversations that weren’t about the kids.
Cara decided they needed to return to their old routine of weekly “date nights,” even if it meant staying home. On Friday nights, after putting the kids to bed, they started a tradition of turning off their phones, ordering takeout, and watching a movie together. Sometimes, they’d take it further, talking about their week or their dreams for the future. It wasn’t just the activity but the intention behind it focusing on their relationship.
Why it works: It’s easy to lose yourself in the roles of “mom” and “dad,” but carving out time for each other reminds both partners of their bond. Scheduling regular "together time" doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive the quality of connection matters. This creates emotional closeness, which keeps the love alive.
2. Sharing Responsibilities Fairly
Evelyn and Rob, parents to a toddler and a newborn, were constantly arguing over who was doing more around the house. Evelyn felt she was taking on the bulk of the parenting, while Rob believed his work outside the home balanced things out. The imbalance led to resentment and frustration.
After a heated argument, they decided to sit down and map out a fair division of labor. They made a list of daily tasks from taking care of the kids to washing dishes and assigned roles based on their strengths and availability. Rob took on the evening routines, giving Evelyn some time to herself, while she managed the mornings. They also created a “tagging out” system for when one needed a break, so neither felt overwhelmed.
Why it works: Many couples struggle with an uneven distribution of responsibilities, leading to stress and burnout. By openly communicating and working together, couples can avoid feeling like they’re carrying an unfair load. A balanced and flexible division of work helps each partner feel supported, fostering a sense of teamwork. When couples collaborate instead of competing over who’s doing more, they create harmony and reduce conflict, making it easier to keep the romantic connection strong.
3. Keeping the Appreciation Alive
Jenna and Mark, parents to three active children, were so caught up in their busy schedules that they rarely stopped to acknowledge each other’s efforts. Jenna felt unappreciated for all her invisible work at home, and Mark felt his hard work to provide for the family went unnoticed.
During a couple’s therapy session, I suggested they start a simple practice: Every night before bed, they would each name one thing they appreciated about the other person that day. It felt awkward at first, but soon it became their favorite part of the day. Jenna started to notice the small but significant things Mark did, like offering to take over when she was tired, while Mark recognized Jenna’s patience with the kids after a long day. This daily habit of expressing gratitude changed how they viewed each other, reigniting their love.
Why it works: It’s easy to overlook your partner’s contributions when life gets busy. Practicing appreciation even for small gestures reminds both partners of their value in the relationship. Gratitude fosters positive feelings, which can counteract stress and resentment. Feeling appreciated can reignite emotional closeness, strengthening the love through life’s challenges.
The Takeaway
Parenting is no easy task and can test even the strongest relationships. However, couples who make a conscious effort to connect, communicate, and appreciate each other can survive and thrive together. By prioritizing "together time," fairly sharing responsibilities, and keeping appreciation alive, partners can maintain a deep and lasting love despite the demands of daily life. After all, the best gift you can give your children is the love and stability of a strong partnership.