Recent media coverage of social media influencer Hannah Neeleman from Ballerina Farm has brought the concept of the "traditional wife" into the public eye, raising questions about whether women like Hannah are as happy as they appear on social platforms. Is this lifestyle truly a blissful escape from the pressures of modern life, or is it a carefully curated facade? Are these women genuinely content in their traditional marriages, or have they been led into a life of demanding, unpaid labor? Surprisingly, research offers insights into why traditional wives might actually be satisfied with this seemingly unequal arrangement but that doesn’t necessarily mean the traditional wife lifestyle is right for everyone.
The traditional wife movement is based on the belief that men and women should adhere to "traditional" gender roles, with women focusing on homemaking and childcare, while men are the primary breadwinners and decision-makers in the family. Although Hannah Neeleman doesn’t personally identify as a traditional wife or actively promote this lifestyle, she represents it for many. Numerous other influencers on social media do embrace this label and insist that this way of life is superior. It’s also important to note that much of what these traditional wives share online is an idealized version of reality. However, it’s hard not to wonder whether the #tradwifelife is a simpler, more straightforward way to live, as you watch them happily baking bread from scratch.
Do Traditional Wives Have Happier Marriages?
Recent research shows no evidence that being a traditional wife protects against divorce and even suggests that more egalitarian relationships may be more likely to endure. A study from Sweden found that couples who share household chores equally were less likely to divorce compared to those with more traditional arrangements. If you’ve heard otherwise, it could be because this trend has been shifting. Research indicates that couples married before 1975 were more likely to divorce if the woman worked and did fewer household tasks, but these factors didn’t seem to affect couples married after 1975.
So, while there’s no clear evidence that being in a "traditional" marriage protects against divorce, are traditional marriages happier? A large study of married couples found that 81% of egalitarian couples reported being happy, while only 18% of "traditional" couples said the same. Research shows that couples who share responsibilities equally are 4.5 times more likely to have a happy marriage than those with traditional roles. An equal division of labor for household tasks is associated with better relationships overall (and by equal division, most studies mean at least a 30/70 split). Research consistently shows that dividing household chores equally is linked to better relationship quality for both men and women. In fact, when housework is divided more evenly, women report improved marital satisfaction and less negativity in their marriage.
While earlier research suggested that men’s relationship quality might suffer when household chores are shared equally, more recent studies have found that men may now be more satisfied with the relationship when housework is divided fairly.
But Is It Really About What You Think Is "Fair"?
It may not be the equal division of labor in these relationships that leads to greater happiness but rather whether both partners feel that the division of labor is "fair." In other words, Equal partnerships are more likely to make both partners feel that their shared responsibilities are fair, leading to a happier relationship. One study found that an unequal division of household chores makes women perceive the relationship as unfair, which then leads to dissatisfaction in the relationship and personal distress. Another study found the same for childcare women in unequal parenting arrangements reported more relationship issues when they perceived it as unfair. In other words, the unequal division of household and childcare work may only negatively affect your relationship if you perceive it as "unfair."
Important Consideration
Although research explains why some traditional wives may be content with this arrangement and have healthy, happy relationships, there may also be traditional wives who have been manipulated by men or patriarchal norms into controlling or even abusive relationships. Certainly, there are many happy and healthy relationships with traditional gender roles, but research suggests that abuse may be more common in couples with traditional gender roles. It can be more challenging for women in traditional relationships to recognize signs of abuse, let alone reach out for help. When your partner has complete control over the family and excludes you from financial decisions, this may be a form of financial abuse.
Despite traditional wives promoting values that can lead to the oppression of women, there are many other issues with the traditional wife lifestyle beyond the scope of this article, including a lack of inclusivity of minorities and non-heteronormative families, as well as setting unrealistic standards for women.
How Can This Research Benefit You and Your Relationship?
As society evolves, it seems that egalitarian relationships tend to be happier and more stable than "traditional" relationships. However, the most important factor appears to be how "fair" you perceive the arrangement and how satisfied you are with the division of labor. This could explain why some traditional wives may be content with what seems to others like an extremely unequal arrangement.
So, are traditional wives like Hannah truly happy? Could you really be happy as a traditional wife? Are any wives and mothers genuinely content with how unequal the division of labor in a family remains even in 2024? It’s hard to say. However, given the increasingly egalitarian culture we live in, it is becoming more difficult to view this arrangement as fair and to be satisfied with it.
What does this research mean for your own life and relationship? It means you should honestly assess your own beliefs about what is fair and carefully consider what you would be comfortable with in your relationship. Ask yourself what feels like a fair division of household chores and childcare to you? The answer will be different for each person. If your current relationship doesn’t match your ideal standards, then ask yourself whether you can accept this level of inequality or whether you want to strive for a more egalitarian relationship.
While we all grapple with these fundamental questions, the research offers one concrete tip for coping with an unfair division of labor in a household. Studies find that the lowest-quality relationships are those where the male partner underestimates or undervalues the amount of work the female partner does. Furthermore, the negative effects of an unequal division of labor seem to disappear when you feel appreciated by your partner. So whether you are a traditional wife/husband or in a family that nearly equally splits the division of labor, the work of running a household is difficult and important, and it should be acknowledged and appreciated.