Dealing with fertility treatments and family-building challenges can feel overwhelming. You may feel drained by managing the details of treatment, balancing work demands, and navigating relationships with loved ones.
Fertility treatment often creates a cycle of hope and disappointment, commonly referred to as the "rollercoaster of infertility." The ups and downs of this experience can increase stress, especially if you're actively working to build your family. It's crucial to recognize this and prioritize daily self-care.
Research shows that the levels of depression during fertility treatment can be similar to those experienced during treatment for cancer or heart disease. The top two reasons people discontinue fertility treatment are financial strain and stress. The exact effect of stress on success isn't fully known, but it's clear that controlling your emotions is key to achieving success. Doing so will not only support you and your loved ones but also help you better endure treatment and calm your nervous system, enabling you to make the best decisions.
Many decisions in fertility treatment can be difficult to reverse, so managing your emotions is critical when gathering information, whether you're deciding on the next course of action or choosing a donor. Let's focus on a few tips to help you manage stress.
The following tips are divided into three sections: 1. Reducing negative emotions, 2. Increasing positive emotions, and 3. Managing overwhelm (or feeling out of control). Most people naturally focus on reducing negative emotions when they arise, often trying to "get rid" of uncomfortable feelings. However, using tools to boost positive emotions and manage feelings of overwhelm or loss of control is just as important. It's best to use tips from each category, tailored to your experience, personality, and current life situation.
This list provides examples for each category, but it's not exhaustive. Feel free to add your strategies and mix and match until you find the right balance. As your treatment progresses, your symptoms may change, so revisit this list and adjust your approaches as needed.
Reducing Negative Emotions
Take care of your body: There are plenty of free online resources, including exercise, stretching, dance, Pilates, and yoga classes. Many people on social media have regular "dance parties" and workout sessions. If you need a break from screen time, put on your favorite song, dance around the house, and sing along it's hard to feel down when you're dancing.
Poor posture can make you feel worse: Notice how you stand or sit when you're upset versus when you're happy. This "fake it until you succeed" approach is backed by research. A small change in posture can change your mood, so sit up straight even when you don't feel like it.
Take care of your mental health: During stressful times, your mind might feel overwhelmed. Practicing meditation can help you relax and clear your thoughts. There are different types of meditation, and you can find free or affordable resources on apps or YouTube. Techniques for stress relief, such as Tapping, have also proven effective for many in staying calm. Yoga, often referred to as "moving meditation," helps quiet your mind while keeping your body active. Like meditation, yoga gets better with regular practice.
Go on a news diet: While staying informed is important, consuming too much negativity and fear from the news can significantly affect your mental state. If you must watch the news, stick to the headlines and avoid watching it before bed.
Increasing Positive Emotions
Get outside: Moving your body is important, but taking a walk outside when possible is also helpful. Exposure to sunlight or fresh air and surrounding scents can awaken your senses and sync your internal clock, which may enhance your sleep quality.
Give: Practicing kindness can boost happiness and inner peace. Sending homemade cards, making donations, or volunteering for a hotline are ways that helping others also brings fulfillment to yourself.
Laugh: Even if you're feeling down, a funny movie, book, or video can lift your spirits. There are infinite accounts of people finding healing through laughter.
Connect: Make time to connect with people inside and outside your household. Many religious groups, community centers, and organizations have set up online platforms to stay connected. Interaction with others is essential for everyone.
Focus on what you do want: Our brains are wired to look for problems, but you can counter this by listing your goals and focusing on what you can do, rather than what you can't.
Practice gratitude: While it may seem like a cliché, the phrase "Gratitude can change your attitude" truly resonates with many people. Start by noting 3-5 things you're thankful for each day. Even in challenging times, finding something to be grateful for, like your morning coffee, can make a difference.
Managing Overwhelm (or Feeling Out of Control)
Engage in enjoyable activities within your control: This could be rearranging your living room, taking an online drawing class, or learning to knit. When your body detects a threat, the "fight or flight" response kicks in, and fertility treatments can frequently put your well-being to the test. This constant stress can lead to a buildup of cortisol (the stress hormone), making you feel drained and worn out.
When you focus on an enjoyable activity, not only do you have a distraction, but seeing the results of your efforts can help stabilize your mood.
Maintain a regular sleep routine: Sticking to the same bedtime and wake-up time every day boosts your health and emotional well-being. Maintaining a consistent routine can improve your sleep, help you feel productive, and keep your family in sync.
Creating a toolkit that works best for you will not only improve your health and relationships but also help you make better decisions and navigate treatment so you can achieve your family-building goals.