Ghosting refers to abruptly ending a relationship without any explanation or warning about what led to that decision. Whether online or in-person, communication suddenly stops with no prior notice. This behavior is a reflection of living in a society that tends to avoid dealing with endings.
A society that denies the natural process of endings often sees the conclusion of a friendship as unnecessary. This mindset makes it easy to avoid the emotions that come with closure, such as sadness, anger, hurt, vulnerability, guilt, and resentment.
Benefits of Properly Ending a Relationship
Let’s explore some of the benefits of handling the end of a relationship with care:
- Respecting the Relationship’s Value: Ending a friendship with respect honors the relationship and sends the message, "You deserve to know whether I will continue being a part of your life or not."
- Providing Clarity: When the end is communicated clearly, it offers the other person an opportunity to understand what’s happening in the relationship.
- Letting Go of Self-Blame: Clear communication helps the person being left behind to avoid blaming themselves for the end of the relationship.
- Facilitating Future Relationships: Understanding the reasons for the breakup can help both individuals be more open to trust and take risks in future relationships.
- Developing Core Relationship Skills: Honest communication, paired with empathy, is a crucial life skill, especially when a relationship is ending.
Below are some examples of honesty without empathy:
- "I just find you a bit boring."
- "I need someone more attractive."
- "I expected our time together would be more fun."
And here are examples of empathy with little honesty:
- "You are an amazing person and truly deserve someone better than me."
- "You are brilliant, and I don’t want to hold you back from having inspiring conversations."
- "You will make someone a great partner."
Finally, here are some examples that express both honesty and empathy:
- "I’ve appreciated your warmth and care, but I feel like my path is leading me in a different direction."
- "You have an adventurous spirit, but I’m more of a homebody."
- "I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think I’m ready to commit to you."
Being on the Receiving End of Closure
It can be challenging to hear that someone has decided to leave us. Handling this requires the skill of understanding the other person’s decision as a statement about their needs, not as a reflection of your worth. This mindset can be applied at any stage in a relationship.
Addressing the end of any friendship reminds us to live life embracing its impermanent nature and constant change. With this awareness, we can accept the reality that all relationships will eventually end, and we can move away from ghosting as a way to cope with the emotions that come with endings.
Being honest with empathy and setting boundaries that allow you to pause and thoughtfully consider any feedback from your partner are the building blocks of emotional intimacy. These practices help cultivate trust and the ability to be vulnerable.
It’s reasonable to ask whether ghosting is ever appropriate. Yes, if you believe the person you are ghosting will not respect your boundaries or if you feel unsafe. Additionally, if you strongly feel that neither you nor the other person will benefit from discussing your need to separate, ghosting might be a justified choice.