How can some individuals attract partners more effectively than others?
It's a challenging question, but one worth exploring. While not everyone is actively seeking a partner, for those navigating the dating scene, certain qualities stand out as more desirable than others, irrespective of gender. In a comprehensive effort to define effective strategies for becoming a truly appealing partner, Apostolou et al. (2023) conducted a survey involving 7,181 individuals across 14 different countries. The participants, including 4,616 women, 2,525 men, and 40 individuals who did not specify their gender, hailed from Austria, Brazil, China, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Japan, Peru, Russia, Spain, Turkey, the U.K., and Ukraine. The premise of this survey is that individuals engage in behaviors they find attractive in others.
In an attempt to identify effective strategies for becoming truly appealing, each participant completed a survey rating how much they had utilized each of the 87 behaviors to attract a potential partner, rating each behavior on a 5-point scale ranging from 1 (not at all) to 5 (extensively). These initial behaviors were then condensed into 10 factors or strategies, which include:
1. Show Similarity
- Expressing interest in the other person's interests.
- Trying to understand the likes of the person of interest.
- Adopting hobbies and habits of interest to the potential partner.
- Claiming to share similar interests.
- Becoming knowledgeable about the other person's work.
- Laughing at their jokes.
- Agreeing with their viewpoints.
- Giving gifts.
- Paying for expenses.
- Changing the music you listen to.
2. Enhance Appearance
- Taking care of skin.
- Caring for hair.
- Maintaining cleanliness.
- Using fragrance.
- Caring for hands and feet.
- Ensuring fresh breath.
- Wearing flattering attire.
- Smiling more.
- Improving overall appearance.
- Purchasing new clothing.
- Hair removal such as waxing or laser treatment.
3. Increase Income and Financial Stability
- Striving to increase income.
- Aiming for financial independence.
- Pursuing career advancement.
- Seeking employment with high social status.
- Improving education.
- Engaging with art/music/literature.
4. Dramatic Appearance Changes
- Undergoing liposuction.
- Opting for a hair transplant.
- Considering plastic surgery.
- Getting a tattoo.
- Purchasing a more expensive vehicle or motorcycle.
- Getting a piercing.
- Engaging in psychotherapy.
- Participating in risky behaviors (e.g., bungee jumping).
- Volunteering.
- Avoiding eating in the presence of others.
- Reading books on flirting and relationships.
- Buying a pricier cell phone.
5. Showcase Skills and Abilities
- Displaying talents and skills.
- Showcasing abilities.
- Sharing knowledge.
- Highlighting strengths.
- Discussing achievements.
- Sharing experiences.
6. Conceal Unfavorable Things
- Hiding a mental health issue.
- Keeping past misfortunes hidden.
- Concealing a health problem.
- Avoiding topics disliked by others.
7. Engage in More Physical Activity and Sports
- Increasing physical activity.
- Participating in more sports.
- Exploring new hobbies.
8. Flaunt and Exaggerate Wealth and Abilities
- Presenting financial status better than reality.
- Exaggerating wealth.
- Exaggerating abilities.
- Inflating achievements.
- Displaying affluence.
- Emphasizing social status.
- Wearing expensive attire.
9. Enhance Online Presence
- Posting flattering photos.
- Increasing activity on social media.
- Editing photos online to appear more attractive.
10. Lose Weight
- Dieting.
- Shedding pounds.
- Wearing clothes that create a slimmer appearance.
As evidenced by the breadth of the survey, Apostolou et al. (2023) aimed to cover all strategies individuals employ in their quest for a partner. The results were intriguing and generally consistent worldwide, with some variations noted in China. Overall, the most frequently used strategies revolved around enhancing appearance, showcasing skills and talents, and demonstrating similarity. Females tended to engage more in appearance-enhancing strategies, while males were more inclined toward strategies related to increasing income and social status, as well as flaunting wealth and abilities. Future research should examine these behaviors individually to determine their effectiveness in attracting short-term versus long-term partners and whether these strategies hold efficacy over time. What may work in the early stages of a relationship may be more or less significant in the long run.